Staying Alive

 At what point does all of this work become too much.  





Just to be able to eat.










Is it really worth it?  Especially when, even with all of this, I'm still having problems?

 









I'm back to cutting out almost all foods, trying to find the culprit.  
And that sweet taste of normalcy that I had, before everything tanked again, makes it that much worse.

I know that my mental struggles of late are likely related - are likely part of my reaction.  But that doesn't make them go away, or fix things, or mean the underlying issues aren't real.

But...is it all worth it?  I don't know.  It must be.  But, I can't keep up with it all, especially when every day I need to accomplish 3 days worth of tasks, and frequently I get hit with painful lethargy that sucks away all motivation, and even the bare minimum is too much...setting me even further behind.


I don't have time for anything that's actually important.  And I waste what little time and energy I have doing useless crap like writing this.


I don't want to do all of this anymore.


Lord, give me the strength.  

And forgive the wretch - the black-to-the-core sorry excuse for a human - that I am.


-M