Futility
Right now, behind me, the dehydrator is humming away, at work reducing some of my home-grown potatoes - peeled, cooked, and mashed - into what will hopefully resemble something like potato flakes, which can then be re-hydrated and eaten at a later date (and most importantly, stored for a longer period of time than in their fresh state.)
On a shelf to my left currently sits a box full of jars of dehydrated squash from last year. They represent a huge amount of time and effort...but they are useless to me now, as I discovered that, because of certain pesticides used, I can't tolerate the squash that comes from the farm where they were grown.
An exercise in futility.
Perhaps it will turn out that I can't tolerate potatoes, and yesterday and today's labor, too, will be filed under "useless waste of time."
Waste is a tragic but inevitable part of life. We're not supposed to cry over spilled milk (but what if that milk cost $10/gallon, is in short supply, and comes from a farm 2 hours away?) These things happen; it's best to just accept it and move on. Do what you can to limit it, of course, but don't get hung up on it.
Sometimes, though, all of life can feel futile.
There are the classic conundrums of boring home life: Why mop, it's just going to be covered in dog prints again by the end of the day. Why put things away where they belong, they'll just have to be gotten back out again. Why bother dusting... (especially with the coal stove running.)
I'm down to a tiny handful of foods that I'm eating - and that on a strictly-reduced schedule - and still managing to react to things that used to be/ought to be perfectly fine. Being so careful can feel so futile.
It's hard to put in the effort on things that seem destined to fail. Just accept the inevitable and stop fighting it. It takes too much work, and seems to be a waste of precious time.
Even this blog is probably just an example of me wasting time.
There are things in life that are done for the benefit of others, and I suppose no matter how futile they seem, they are inherently not so because they are serving and loving our neighbors. Am I serving my neighbors by preserving potatoes? Not exactly, other than in a round-about way providing a potential food-source for myself, so they can continue to have a functioning [wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc.] As survival requires more and more of this retreating from society in order to be able to eat, though, my ability to serve and give myself to others continues to be reduced.
"Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,vanity of vanities! All is vanity.What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?" Ecclesiastes 1:2-3 (ESV)
I don't understand it. All I see is the sin, the selfishness, the waste, the wrong. But even if I do nothing good at all today, Jesus will not abandon me. His love is not based on my ability to accomplish something that endures, something worthwhile. He saved me, not because of my works, but because of His.
His works are the only ones that endure forever, that are worth anything, and that lack any and all futility.
And He gives them to me, imputing to my account a righteousness that I could never in a million years obtain.
God be praised.
-M
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