Honesty
“I hold the maxim no less applicable to public than to private affairs, that honesty is the best policy.” -George Washington
“Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying.” - Fred Rogers
“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.”- Robert Louis Stevenson
"Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway." - Mother Theresa
“Most of what I say is complete truth. My edit button is broken.”- Myra McEntire
Is it possible to be TOO honest? And is being honest always wise?
It seems like the answers should be, "No," and "Yes," respectively...and yet this has not been my experience.
Today is not a good day. I didn't sleep, I'm bitter and mentally in turmoil, and I've cried 2-3 times already and it's only 1:30PM. So...pretty typical for me these past months. (I'm saying this to warn you.)
Shall I be honest in this post about honesty? Is that wise?
To switch gears for a moment, I've known since my teen years that there is something distinctly "off" about me, mentally, but I couldn't put my finger on it, other than eventually recognizing many of my struggles as being depression. My younger brother was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (a high-functioning form of Autism Spectrum Disorder) back in the late 90s, and I remember reading up about it and thinking, "Boy, this sounds an awful lot like me..." Since then it's been filed in the back recesses of my mind, but I re-visited it this past summer, and it truly fits and explains a lot of my difficulties.
One thing that I've found out about people who deal with this is that it is common for them to have a tendency to take things literally, and to speak honestly without necessarily recognizing the social implications of doing so. I have an obnoxious need to butt in and offer a correction when someone offers information that is inaccurate, I'm often confused as to whether my husband is joking or being serious, and I hate fake pleasantries and would rather answer the question "How are you?" truthfully, even though it'll make you uncomfortable.
Being completely honest is so freeing and pleasant. It displays trust, and is a good way to cut past all of the dancing around, the mind games, the insipid politeness, and actually connect with someone else. I tend to either keep to myself and hold my cards close to my chest, or be a wide-open book, spilling out much more details and information than post people probably ever wanted to hear (and not a lot in of in-between). However, this can backfire horribly.
In a situation where I'm with people I love and trust, I am more likely to be honest to a fault, and as a Christian who is well-acquainted with her own utter sinfulness, that includes "telling on myself", disclosing sins and faults and errors when perhaps it would have been wiser to keep them to myself.
It certainly seems that, at times, I have sabotaged my own relationships by telling the truth and admitting to my sins and struggles. If I'd kept my mouth shut, some of my closest friendships might still be intact.
My own desire to tell the truth is perhaps only outmatched by my desire for others to be honest and open with me as well. Why people won't do this is still a mystery to me. Perhaps the worst thing of all is to bare one's soul, and then have no response at all, and a quiet backing away.
So, maybe it is this honesty thing that needs curbing in me. I can put on a mask and play a part pretty well when need be...but honestly (ha!)...it's exhausting. My few remaining friendships are of that sort - the mostly surface-level type that are pleasant but take work, and I can only handle on occasion. I'm not the bubbly, outgoing type, and I hate small talk. But these friendships don't really touch the heart. They pass the time and can be pleasant, but I don't find I can truly relax with them, I can't be fully open and honest, and don't really show them the real me.
...I shouldn't end on that note. I should re-direct my focus to Christ somehow. But in what way exactly?
He knew the pain of friends turning their backs on Him. He was never honest in a way that wasn't loving, but always loved perfectly and considered what was best for those around Him, and gave them the truth that they needed to hear in the way that they needed to hear it. It wasn't Him selfishly unburdening on them or indulging His own needs, but rather acting selflessly in all He did and said, for the good of others.
God be praised for that.
But oh...what do I do? How much of this is this part of "who I am"? And to what extent do I attempt to change that - to lie about who I am in an attempt to make and keep friends (ironic?) - and to what extent is it the effect of sin that needs to be curbed and subdued?
I wish I knew.
-M
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